Hating my Body – 2

We all have this one imperfection we wish we could change. Mine started with “Oversized Arms” & ended with obsessing about my whole body. I remember when I was a kid I always looked at my arms as if it was a bodybuilder arms (Even my friends called me “HULK”! & I remember I used to wear loose shirts so as not to feel uncomfortable.

Having a passion in health & fitness got me extremely over occupied with how I look & how people see me. I believed that in order to stay credible & coach people, I should always be on a strict healthy diet & workout plan.

With social media, perfect pictures covers of flawless women all contributed to increasing my anxiety & obsessive behaviour. I knew I have a disordered body image.

I was always seeking verbal approvals of my looks & it became part of a dark cycle to me. One day I would wake up feeling extremely uncomfortable in my body & my negative self-talk led me to overeating —Food cravings—Addiction.

Little did I know that everything begins & ends in one place: The mind. The body is just a physical reflection of the choices you make over a lifetime. Being a rigidly “Good eater” who follows a set of rules & never deviates didn’t leave me a happier or a more satisfied person.

It wasn’t until I took the decision to practice “Awareness” & focused all my attention on how my body really feels. Decreasing the time looking at the mirror really helped me focus more on what’s inside & I felt wonderful. Being grateful for those thick legs to be able to lift me everyday & make me enjoy my workouts, walk, run, swim… you name it.

Counting my blessings everyday lowered my anxiety & shifted my focus into more positive thoughts. I know it’s a journey & it could come back anytime. But I am striving everyday to cherish what I have & be grateful for being healthy, happy & humble.

It’s not easy to live in a toxic judgmental environment & its not easy to have a dysmorphic mind. I know I will be living with it for quite a while but I also know that I am completely aware, accepting & working really hard to stay sane & healthy.

From one body to another, I hope this post makes some of you realize that they are not alone. I have come to realize regardless of how the world sees us, our mind is way more powerful in reflecting how we deeply see ourselves. xx

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6 Comments

  1. Sally
    December 15, 2018 / 8:49 pm

    Positive thoughts needed on time.. thanks

    • samirakhalil
      Author
      December 17, 2018 / 1:16 pm

      Sending you lots of love xoxo

  2. Sarah
    December 16, 2018 / 7:41 am

    I wish I have that strength one day… keep up the mindful work semsem

    • samirakhalil
      Author
      December 17, 2018 / 1:17 pm

      You will eventually. Never give up xoxo

  3. Anonymous
    December 18, 2018 / 4:10 pm

    it is eventually hard to accept love yourself/your body in a community where people just accept you by what is outside not based on the inside . social media ruin our lives the way we see our self social media give each one of us a wrong impression about the “beauty standards” in which you should follow however if you didn’t you will be rejected by the society just because you aren’t as beautiful as the society wants you to be. In fact , people starts to bully you hate you just because you are not following this standards people start to reject you until you feel lonely and depressed . In the end am one of the people who lost hope in loving my body just because it has been 12 years since am rejected/hated because of it . The day i wanted/started to change none stood by me the society brought my hope lower than anyone can imagine .Counting our blessing shall be a must but sometimes it doesn’t help you to erase 12 years of bullying of hearing words such as “Fat , Ugly , worthless , none loves you , burden , boyish , eating like an elephant or “howa enty mesh bat3mely ay haga 3’eir enek takily” or being mentioned in memes that makes fun of how bad someone might look . in the end , counting our blessing or doing any possible thing wont help because words are a sword that is so hard to be forgotten we may have forgiven those who said this but forget is the hardest . After 12 years of hearing this things it turned out to be lonely having 0 friend seeing everyone enjoying life and we are still in box that fear us that is so hardly to get out of it for sure you will hate the reason why people did this which is ” being beautiful or because of my body shape” i hope i can make it as you are mentioning and love my body but it’s not easy. Being hated is such a hard feeling not having friends because of this is not easy i never knew if it was my mistake to be like this even my parents judge me for being who i am for loving sport that much for wanting a career in it judging me for the way i dress or the way i look it hurts only few people feel .

    sorry for being Anonymous it just that we fear to tell anyone this and it such a being effort for me being writing this also i have met you few times but i have never had the courage to tell u anything or take even your opinion never had the chance to ask you for a talk or something because i dont know how you will respond also the relation we have aint that strong to make me ask something like this . i wish i could because i do need your help and your wisdom in so many things but i fear asking you . for me you are such an inspiration a role model you was my way out from many things i wish one day i could be like you because for me you are such a rare person a unique one that is so rare to find nowadays one of my wishes is to sob in your hand and let it all to you but i cant because if you knew me surely you would not like it at all i can tell for this i have faked an email just because it is required for me to type one however this is email is not mine in order to be sure that it would be hard to know whose the owner of this message . May god blesses you for who you are for being such an inspiration a role model for us all happy new year may 2019 be a year full of happiness grace for you and your beloved family maybe my wish can come true one day and be able to talk with you despite that am very grateful to type this up even if it’s anonymously but at least better than nothing . Merry Christmas and happy new year

  4. Anonymus
    December 18, 2018 / 5:11 pm

    Eventually it became so hard to live in our society. A society in which people hate each other in which people does not accept each other. Nowadays , people judge each other by appearance by what is outside not the inside however what matters the most is the inside not the outside . People became cruel harsh on each other I don’t believe in the concept called “love” because in fact now none love each other we live in hatred in a world full of monsters wearing tones of different faces . Social medias has put a boundaries which I call the “beauty standards” if you followed them you will be included loved accepted if not you will be hated rejected a burden to everyone who knows you. Social media started to ruin our lives but most people doesn’t know understand this until now. I am one of the people who have been a victim of this however I couldn’t open my mouse and tell anyone I have always been silent even my tears are in silence when I want to scream and shout out to the world I keep it to myself because I know none will bother to help “ as if it’s a dog who barks” I have been a victim of bullying been 12 years and am fearing to speak if anyone wants to see how dark the world may have come take my eyes and you will see it . I have been bullied because of my look because my body it became so hard to love/accept who I am or my body . Imagine hearing like me “ Fat,Ugly , worthless , none loves you , burden, boyish ,“howa enty mesh bat3mely ay haga gheir enek takily” or being mentioned on facebook memes that joke on ugly girls or being physically bullied having scars that none knows anything about it and you are keeping them to you just because you fear people . we may have forgiven those who did this but forgotten is a bit hard. Counting your blessing shall be a must but it wont heal those broken wings I have counting my blessing won’t clear my ears from what I have been always hearing. After 12 years of bullying just because of my look or my body shape I realized that am left with 0 friends a rejected person that is a burden to everyone she knows even her parents judge her because the way she dress the way she’s holding so tight to sport the way she lives. Even the closest people to her judge her about it in the end you turn out to understand that it is your mistake to be like this imagine if you are surrounded by so many friends and you are not included just because you are not following the beauty standards of nowadays even your family doesn’t include you because of it . in the end it hurts but none feel or will feel because the person whom is typing this became a silent person even her smile is a fake one life have been pushing her she has been fighting a fight that none of her age should fight . Because of my look I have been mistreated hated how should anything relive my pain or even make it 1% better ? people called her boyish just because she wanted to be an Olympian and make her dream come true in sport people made her hate so many things but she fears to let it out to anyone . As a conclusion Hating your body because of people talks is so painful nothing heals it over the years nothing has changed she still remains unhealed .

    I am sorry for being anonymous but I don’t have the courage to show people and you who am I even the email used is a fake one not mine in which I use so barely . I may not be a stranger I have met you a couple of times you know me well but if you know that it’s me you won’t even continue reading this typed message because I know how you think about me . You are such a role model for me and for us all you was my way out from many things from the day I met you and the day the started following you I knew you were unique and so rare to find I have always feared coming asking you to talk with you but it’s my wish to sob in your hand and let it all to you but I know it will be hardly accepted so this is why I decided to type 1% of it here (anonymously ) presumably I could take from your wisdom I wish I can come and ask for a talk but am fearing this maybe you will never know that it’s me because am not going to have that courage to tell you the only way you could know is through my looks my depressed looks if I could have this chance for just once I will be the happiest person ever because I trust u and I need your help and your wisdom more than you can imagine . Sorry for taking from your time merry Christmas and a happy new year may the beginning of 2019 be a happy one and a blessed one for you and your beloved family

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